"Mental health-aware people recognise that boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out, but just doors to protect what’s inside" - this sticks and I love it!
Oh I’m so pleased it landed for you. Gosh, I hear you but getting gently curious about the why behind the not asking and offering compassion to the parts that feel fearful can be a beautiful place to start. Sending ❤️
I love this, as a mental health provider I think these are all great and I do my best to incorporate these into my life too. You’re absolutely right- it isn’t about being perfect but just trying your best!
Thank you Aiden. It’s not always easy is it to incorporate these even when we know what’s good for us - intentional action is very different to knowing isn’t it? ❤️
This is amazing and I can relate to all of it, as I am knee deep in my own journey. Setting Boundaries which helps to mitigate the people pleasing is definitely challenging when your nervous system has only known that people pleasing equals love and acceptance. Great piece! Thank you.
I hope that there’s some comfort here within these words that healing is possible. And you’re so right about the challenges when our nervous system story has only known another way. Go gently. I find somatic work hugely helpful in finding safety within when we are working with people pleasing healing ❤️
Oh the noticing what sensations your body experiences and the messages it is trying to communicate with you can be an incredibly insightful practice ❤️
Regarding #4- I recently went through severe trauma, and I find myself addicted to reading horrific stories. I crave it. But I know it’s really affecting my mental health.
Thank you for your question Isabelle and I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. Your coping strategy - and by that I refer to the way your nervous system seeks out something from reading others experiences will be in part due to seeking a sharedness that you are not alone - we heal in collectiveness with those who understand. This can happen at a deeply unconscious level too so it can be difficult to catch and make sense of in the moment. I would love to share more on this soon in a post here that will hopefully offer some more reassurance. Sending ❤️
I loved this piece. Something I would love to know more about is the shame and guilt that comes from boundary setting. Also what happens when you realise your boundaries were once keeping you safe, but now you are past that and they are keeping you stuck. How do you reach for your growth edge while also honouring your boundaries. How do you loosen control without letting go of your boundaries? For example, my children are at the age where they want friends to sleep over. In the past it felt like a no bc it drained me and I felt overextended. Now I’m at the point where this feeling comes up but I need to remind myself that I don’t have to be drained by this anymore and it’s safe to say yes. I can say yes and not feel overextended and let my kids experience more of what makes them happy. It will probably be uncomfortable yes, but I know I can use quick regulation tools if I need. I feel if i stay strong in my boundaries im also limiting myself to expand my capacity for more, as in growing and expanding ones self. 🤔 I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Thanks ☺️
Oh thank you so much and thank you for sharing your experience - I love holding space for these more raw and lived moments - they are so integral to our lives aren’t they? I won’t be able to do justice in a comment here to adequately explore all mentioned here so I will endeavour to write a post over the next couple of weeks on boundaries and cover some of the elements you mention. What comes to mind reading your words is the concept of resources and capacity - and within that, limits. It’s incredibly hard to be present and feel joy when we have no available resources within - our nervous system’s primary goal is survival which is why when we are at full capacity we easily tip into survival mode - recognising this and finding ways to create the space needed to have capacity is vital in working through this. I will share more very soon x
Thank you for such a real and generous response. You’re so right—when we’re running on empty, it’s almost impossible to be present or feel any sense of joy. Our systems go straight into survival, and suddenly even small things feel overwhelming. I really felt that in what you wrote. It’s such an important reminder that it’s not about trying harder—it’s about having enough space inside to actually be with what’s here. I’m really looking forward to your post. These kinds of conversations matter so much. x
"Mental health-aware people recognise that boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out, but just doors to protect what’s inside" - this sticks and I love it!
Oh I’m so pleased this landed for you. When we hold an awareness of what we need to protect it can really help the process of boundaries 🤍
Lately boundaries have become very important to me in my personal as well as my professional life.
Great article. It has taken a lifetime for me to embrace these without guilt. 5 is still a challenge. I love to help but resist asking for it.
Oh I’m so pleased it landed for you. Gosh, I hear you but getting gently curious about the why behind the not asking and offering compassion to the parts that feel fearful can be a beautiful place to start. Sending ❤️
Childhood programming can be strong
I love this, as a mental health provider I think these are all great and I do my best to incorporate these into my life too. You’re absolutely right- it isn’t about being perfect but just trying your best!
Thank you Aiden. It’s not always easy is it to incorporate these even when we know what’s good for us - intentional action is very different to knowing isn’t it? ❤️
It sure is
This is amazing and I can relate to all of it, as I am knee deep in my own journey. Setting Boundaries which helps to mitigate the people pleasing is definitely challenging when your nervous system has only known that people pleasing equals love and acceptance. Great piece! Thank you.
I hope that there’s some comfort here within these words that healing is possible. And you’re so right about the challenges when our nervous system story has only known another way. Go gently. I find somatic work hugely helpful in finding safety within when we are working with people pleasing healing ❤️
Awwww Gertrude. We all have one don’t we? Thank you for the insight to perhaps name that inner critic!
It can be such a helpful tool in the moment to bring some separation 🤍
I absolutely loved this, thank you for writing such a gorgeous piece xx
Gosh you’re so welcome. It’s such a beautiful gift to self to view our mental health as a priority 🤍
Brillant!
Thank you so much ❤️
All such wonderful sentiments! I love the *how do you feel when you say yes but really mean no*… and also love the term bloomscrolling!!
Oh the noticing what sensations your body experiences and the messages it is trying to communicate with you can be an incredibly insightful practice ❤️
Thank you for this, amazing insights 👏🏽
Oh you’re so so welcome. So pleased it resonated for you ❤️
Yes! Love all of these. So true
Thank you so much, Rebecca ❤️
Regarding #4- I recently went through severe trauma, and I find myself addicted to reading horrific stories. I crave it. But I know it’s really affecting my mental health.
Am I trying to normalize the trauma?
Thank you for your question Isabelle and I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. Your coping strategy - and by that I refer to the way your nervous system seeks out something from reading others experiences will be in part due to seeking a sharedness that you are not alone - we heal in collectiveness with those who understand. This can happen at a deeply unconscious level too so it can be difficult to catch and make sense of in the moment. I would love to share more on this soon in a post here that will hopefully offer some more reassurance. Sending ❤️
I loved this piece. Something I would love to know more about is the shame and guilt that comes from boundary setting. Also what happens when you realise your boundaries were once keeping you safe, but now you are past that and they are keeping you stuck. How do you reach for your growth edge while also honouring your boundaries. How do you loosen control without letting go of your boundaries? For example, my children are at the age where they want friends to sleep over. In the past it felt like a no bc it drained me and I felt overextended. Now I’m at the point where this feeling comes up but I need to remind myself that I don’t have to be drained by this anymore and it’s safe to say yes. I can say yes and not feel overextended and let my kids experience more of what makes them happy. It will probably be uncomfortable yes, but I know I can use quick regulation tools if I need. I feel if i stay strong in my boundaries im also limiting myself to expand my capacity for more, as in growing and expanding ones self. 🤔 I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Thanks ☺️
Oh thank you so much and thank you for sharing your experience - I love holding space for these more raw and lived moments - they are so integral to our lives aren’t they? I won’t be able to do justice in a comment here to adequately explore all mentioned here so I will endeavour to write a post over the next couple of weeks on boundaries and cover some of the elements you mention. What comes to mind reading your words is the concept of resources and capacity - and within that, limits. It’s incredibly hard to be present and feel joy when we have no available resources within - our nervous system’s primary goal is survival which is why when we are at full capacity we easily tip into survival mode - recognising this and finding ways to create the space needed to have capacity is vital in working through this. I will share more very soon x
Thank you for such a real and generous response. You’re so right—when we’re running on empty, it’s almost impossible to be present or feel any sense of joy. Our systems go straight into survival, and suddenly even small things feel overwhelming. I really felt that in what you wrote. It’s such an important reminder that it’s not about trying harder—it’s about having enough space inside to actually be with what’s here. I’m really looking forward to your post. These kinds of conversations matter so much. x
so good!!!
Thank you so much x
All of this spoke to me in ways I would not have understood so well until just a week ago. Thank you Helen Marie.
I’m so pleased there was something here for you. Sounds like you’ve been through something. Sending ❤️
Yes! A lot but moving through & on. A good feeling now
Rituals of regulation—what a great way to say this. I’m going to share with my daughter
Oh I’m so pleased it resonated. It’s these beautiful rituals that come to be our anchors 🤍
Excellent info here. I work on my mental health every day.